Comments On The Serve

The Look of Love

We've hardly gotten started over here and already one of the players is hitting on me. It's shameless. I mean, OK, we GET it, I'm a USDA Choice slab of man meat, that's a matter of public record. But while giving me the eye and then treating me to a nice dinner at that Italian place we both like and then watching Pride & Prejudice with me even though I know it's not your favorite is the way to win my heart, it is certainly not the way to win this match. Jason. Jason with your dazzling blue eyes and insouciant wink.

Or maybe this encoded message is for Matt, not me. Maybe it's your little way of saying that this match will be filled with in-jokes that only you and Matt understand. That's cool. No one wants to be a part of your little love-in, anyway. [sobs gently into Skeletor pillow]

Or! Maybe you're saying: "I keep it real, schlemiel." No fancypants After Effects wankery for this kid. Rock it steady with old-school halftone animated GIFs—just like the porn we had to subsist on back when our baud rate was shabby. I'll admit it makes me nostalgic for the grubby dot-matrix printouts I kept under my bed, and curious for how your BFF Matt is going to respond. Probably with something nurturing and romantic. You two make me sick sometimes.

Play by play commentary for this match is provided, as it happens, by Joshua Allen.

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