OK, I stand corrected. Joakim is indeed out there, somehow managing to stomach living in Oslo (dubbed "Norway's Collapsed Anus" by Jacques Cousteau) and coming back strong with a volley that busts open today's epic tale.
For you see, although both Jakob and Joakim are absolutely the Swedishest people I know (aside from my masseuse who has done things to my body that I'm pretty sure are deliciously illegal), neither of them are currently in Sweden proper. They are adrift in foreign lands, forced to communicate in ridiculous languages not their own, maybe even purchasing goods and services with the lowly Euro.
Joakim has cast himself as Thor, I assume because he has your standard Scandinavian hair: long, luxurious, blond locks that shine bright, as if reflecting the light from a giant bonfire of dying Goths. Or maybe because he's in Norway (aka "The Retarded Step-sister That Europe Keeps In The Attic").
Now the question is: What role will Jakob claim for his own? Seeing as he's in London, and as he's clearly the more physically attractive of the two competitors today, may I recommend someone heroic and handsome and British like, say, Paddington Bear or Harry Potter? Just spitballing here, don't judge me, I do watch the BBC but only for that cook who yells at people and makes them feel bad about what they've accomplished with their lives.
Play by play commentary for this match is provided, as it happens, by Joshua Allen.
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